Well I haven't written in quite a while. Not much of importance to catch
up on. School over, finals done one way or another. Dr. Who movie, a bit odd,
not bad but a bit light on content + I'm not fond of the action movie style.
Onto the present. I'm in Brussels at the moment, the flight was ok, I
didn't get to sleep they seemed to be giving out vast quantities of drink. I
didn't have any.
Went out with Deirdre and company after waiting around awkwardly for a
good while. Sunk to lowest depths of degradation by eating at a fast food place
(I was just following orders). Paid close to 200 francs that's $5 something for
a pathetic hamburger and fries, in a clamshell no less. The disgrace. Wandered a
bit more while Deirdre went to look for hairdryer. Meeting again at 8 I think
I'm trying to get out and actually do some sketching and whatnot
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21 9
Noticed that in a daze earlier I got up, changed my socks and went back
to sleep, after having put on my shoes. No clear recollection of it. Very odd
indeed. 199 francs lunch 360 dinner.
Today a bit more exciting. Breakfast late went to cathedral and old art
museum, some nice paintings, some so so. 100 lunch 340 dinner 50 waffles and 100
tip for musicians oy. I never cease to be amazed by how much more I talk when
alone with someone rather than in a group. In a group I tend to feel pressure to
say only something worth everyone listening to. The mannikin, or something or
other pissant is as idiotic as I expected, it is indeed a little pissing boy. I
have hope for myself in that I wouldn't have thought to go see it on my own.
Alanna couldn't find her beer. I was tempted to buy a postcard showing both
major Brussels symbols the mannikin piss surrounded by EU stars, capital of
Europe, plus a little pissy fountain oh boy. I r am getting an idea of how
differently in some ways women need to think and act, and are treated, more
suspiciously, defensively. This guy who came to door at hotel room asking if
they liked football, discussion of flirting with people. It's such a different
treatment than I could conceive of. Obviously it's familiar to me conceptually,
but I never thought of it as a real, and the sort of way this attention is
regarded with casual suspicion and avoidance/acceptance.
The only two forms of reaction I could conceive myself are the extremes
of being flattered and returning small weapons fire. I suppose that's not
true... I would be suspicious probably uncomfortably evasive. Still I wonder
what is the effect of that constant attention, modified by the fact that you
know how shallow and possibly dangerous it is?
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22 96
Another most of a day, first to train station to check fares and also
apparently buy tickets. Plan is Bruges then Antwerp, was a fuss about the fact
that MS wanted to come along and they wanted to get rid of him. Oddly just
wandered off, either got the hint that wasn't really given or followed the other
two and got the brush off from them. Neither of the other two seemed too
enthusiastic, Mara and Maria I'll memorize it yet. I don't think it's women who
are intolerant and unkind, I think it's popular people. [this was a reference to
a book I'd read recently, where the narrator comments, that when the character
was picked upon by boys he took his beating stoically, but when the girls
arrived their cruelty was such, he ran and hid, Arthur Manchen's the hill of
dreams. It's a testament to the strength of the portrait of a dreamer literally
driven to his death by cruel peers and a crueler world, that I still remember
what made me write that line, seven years after] Cheapest lunch yet, 50 f. for
waffles. I think I'm going to loose weight on this trip. Couldn't go to
botanical gardens, Deirdre wanted to go to nearby place, the old garden outside
pretty nice but green house were converted to office for cultural ministry.
Magritte section of new art museum disappointingly small but I guess you can’t
expect too much. Diner. 495 chicken and waffle a tea 85
Domani, mi alzo alle sette per andare a Brugees che interessante. They
were saying men not mature, I don't buy it still. They're not of course, but
neither are women, as a rule, either that or just I'm so immature my judgment is
fully skewed, I like that possibility best and it's actually the most likely
wow.
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23 096
Last day in Brussels woken up by Ed 3 in morning, couldn't get properly
back to sleep till 6ish, though dozed in between, almost didn't wake up for trip
to Bruges but made it at 7:45 Joanna eating early breakfast going to somewhere
or other I was a little too dazed to think of appropriate farewell an
interesting person oh well. Bruges a bit slow, wandered, church and markets and
shops 465 for mussels lunch, I wouldn't have thought there was anything daunting
about a plateful of steamed mussels but I suppose if it was first time might be
a bit off putting. I don't ever really like mussels, solidarity I suppose.
Antwerp ok but not too thrilling sat in a drizzle for a while 185 fro waffle and
tea. I'm going to have to drink sometime this trip. Don't know if it as just a
slow day or if starting to get on each others nerves. My paranoia says it must
be me getting on both of their nerves but even logic does not seem to bear that
out, always in the back of my mind. In the end I'll still maintain it's an
acceptable price to pay if the past isolation that causes met to be susceptible
to this was necessary to be who I am, (getting self satisfied aren't we) Deirdre
asked if I was having fun and I had flashback to sr. prom ah well. [Where I was
distinctly not having fun, and my date keep asking that in a somewhat probing
tone of voice] I need to be more cheery and
outgoing.
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24 96
Another day full of highs and lows, started out early for
a long pretty dull drive to Paris, all the countryside was pretty flat, a good
deal of mustard seems to be grown mostly in small patches. Alanna is right, Once
and Future King is great, got off for 45 min in boring rest stop, was tempted to
buy a European union blue creature thingy but it was not too great an effort to
resist. Getting back on the bus was a low point (and shows very clearly I need
to be more aggressive) Dave had taken my seat and I
just kept going back where some scholars I didn't know at all were. I asked if
was a seat empty told two people coming. I think just to say something I
responded, probably not in the best tone. "and
that leaves some seat " I met silence and in 5 seconds was back in middle
school again, vaguely nauseous, confused, certain everyone considered me
contemptible and would burst out with comments any moment.
As in middle school a girl took pity on me and moved over to make space.
There was enough of the me left that had gotten used to some mental
comfort in groups and a bit of a positive self image in the past 4 years to
mutter "bloody heck" as my self respect hit the floor in little
pieces, Added to it was joy of person gently informing me that I could indeed
lift up my chair back even if I was incapable of thinking of it myself. Melissa
saved me by coming and getting Dave to move back I'm not sure why, I gather my
scattered composure and moved up. Rather a thought, moving 3 seats back
unraveled years of my life- how melodramatic.
In Paris had the joy of doubt as to whether I was invited on group
meeting I knew I was but esp. after bus didn't feel sure. Finally I knocked and
even then had to come in with line vaguely hinting I might not come along. 47f
for grilled cheese. Wandered with D after lunch met up with A at hotel, dinner
was an ice cream cone, (hearty nutritious and well balanced) 13f Changed. $100
5.13f/$ Went and saw the Eiffel tower and Arc d'triumph at night, rather pretty.
La vita e cosi. Excelsior
5
26 96
Another day going pretty well, were planning to go to
mass in Notre dame but D was late getting up so got put off. Louvre closed, not
sure why. Did a big walk, Arc and tower again in daylight, but didn't go up
either bought lunch f35 ice cream ant McD's (gasp) 8.50 postcards 7 at 1f each.
Occurred to me how little I seem to speak, though that's not unusual it's not so
much that I'm embarrassed to talk in a group but there's no incentive unless I
actually have anything intelligent to add which is unusual. Saw Napoleon's tomb
surrounded by rather good low reliefs showing him looking literally like a
Greek god. Then did the military museum with Mara, everyone else too pooped, a
little disappointing mostly 19th century and a little cavalry amour from
earlier. A lot including whatever Asian stuff they were supposed to have was
missing. I still don't know where our bloody hotel is. Now I do actually. Went
out to dinner. Undoubtedly best meal I've had this vacation only ~77 for great
rice and sort of thin red sausage sort of like Italian salssica but not exactly.
We wandered Mara and Maria wanted to eat quickly and easily. They went to
McDonalds after we looked at a bunch of places and didn't find anything that looked
good. D gave in but Alanna and I didn't really want to, went into 1 place and
got as far as sitting down but it was closing in 30 min so moved on. Looked in a
couple of places and went into North African Restaurant at Mt Parnassus was nice
not a tourist place, were lucky to get a table in a little while there was a
line. It was attached to other peoples table a little odd could hardly get to
it. It was fun. I've never seen a waiter put a folded napkin on someone's head
before. Alanna had couscous and lamb with zucchini and carrots and turnips and
stuff. Split half bottle of wine she wanted to try. Was fun, an older couple
next to us who seemed to be laughing at us constantly, probably thought we were
on a date or something. Took a little walk and came back need to get up early
tomorrow. Didn't get to church, oh well.
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26 96
*Dream (I don't have a blue pen) [at time I was keeping
paper journal with dream sequences in blue] I actually don't remember too much.
I was home from this vacation and we were doing something I'm not sure what was
going on. I think Dennis was doing something we were objecting to. I have a
recollection that Michele's influence passed fleetingly through the scene. I was
asking Nick if he was sure Dennis was going to school every day since he seemed
to have come back and be in the house Then Dennis was asking me if I liked this
horrific misshapen face he had made he said for a project to represent someone
or other's picture of European colonialists There were little labels pointing to
quotes. Then I wanted Nick to come to see that I had lost weight on the
vacation. He wasn't interested I ran upstairs and was going to take my shoes off
to weigh myself and realized the vacation wasn't over. While in the dream I had completely
accepted everything as real, I'm certain of that. It popped into my mind 'that
makes sense, this is a dream I have to get up early and it's almost time’ I
started hitting myself on the head to wake up. Then I wanted to see the scale
reading to compare it to the real thing when I really got home but the dream was
breaking up, sort of got back into dream but wasn't right, the scale read 200
something, then I woke up. It was very strange the first time I've had so much
real consciousness of what was going on maybe because I was so normal a
situation, but it contradicted real memories? 5 29 96
Yesterday got up and went down 8:10 nobody there at breakfast except
hordes of non scholar tourists. Alanna showed up later a rather bad night for
them apparently loud children at 6AM. Breakfast
involved much moaning and groaning about life's vicissitudes in general. The
plan was to go first thing-after many delays to the Louvre but after waiting 10
min on line it was pretty clear we were not getting too far and a spontaneous
protest for another plan arose. It was decided to do Notre Dame and we split up
to go there. Eventually we went in. It was nice, big stained glass windows
attractive all-round and not too heavily ornamented or marbled like some. Met
Mara and Ulfers in the church and went to lunch more grilled cheese this time
with and egg on top woopie! Then we hit san chapel it was small but stained
glass was incredible a great density of color, I was really inspired to try and
do some glasswork myself. Onward to
the opera which was incredible also hugely dense decoration marble and bronze
everything was ornamented and there was a little pool in the bottom of the grand
staircase it was all incredible. We lost Alanna because she had wound up walking
around in the basement. Exploration. That is certainly something that has been
beaten out of me as far as urban environments go, maybe that's why I like the
outdoors, nobody to fear lurking around the corner waiting to say, you can’t
be here. Ulfers Maria and Mara left we decide to do Sacre Cuore. D had a rather
amusing (for us) run in with a ticket person, she asked for tickets and a
question, the guy said si voui plei(sp?) She
though he hadn't heard and repeated herself. This was done twice more and the
guy finally said she was so rude, she wouldn't say please. D decided she would
ask at the info desk. The guy got up, went to the info desk adjoining and said
not to answer her. He then took over the info desk and started calling out in a
sarcastic tone something about information. Finally he answered the question.
Dinner was bread and pate from the shell station next door pretty good actually.
Then we went out to see a movie. I don't know why I really went along the move
itself wasn't too bad but I really understood no dialogue (Except oddly enough
went it was perfectly clear what the were saying from context the words happened
to be almost identical to Italian. I had no idea it was all about draining a
swamp or something Ridicule
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27 96
Today was Versailles we were supposed to try for Notre dame first thing
in the morning but didn’t manage it. Ed came along. The gardens were nice but
formal the rooms we toured were pretty fancy by anyone's standards but I've seen
fancy rooms before and a lot of them were a bit run down. That's always weird
such incredible mansions with repairs that would never be left undone in a
suburban home-public funding. A lot of theological discussion seemed to be going
on, not surprising considering Ed and Alanna I think he was overjoyed to find an
up front real Christian to sink his teeth into- in a nice way of course. I'm
sure he's just a softie at heart. Wander wander big houses etc after more pate
and more walking we of course had to wind up out drinking. They wanted to buy
wine at the shell station but they wouldn't sell wine after 10pm so we wandered
and had white wine mixed with red current syrup, the second one was a bit much
for me, mildly odd feeling, not even happy. Really they were very small glasses.
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28 96
It was supposed to be really busy today, but wound up
rather slow 1st Rodin museum which we only saw the gardens of and not even all
that, then lunch then the Louvre which we saw hardly any of really, a couple of
halls. Everyone's enthusiasm gave out and I didn't have enough to make up the
deficit. Didn't get to catacombs either though that would have likely been
interesting. Movement just sort of stopped.
Then we actually split up for once and I wandered around a bit, was
tempted to buy a French copy of a Lovecraft book but there was really no point
to it. Met Alanna, got bread and 2 bottles wine. Waited and waited for D to come
back with cheese, finally did but had to run back out to meet her cousin. We
sort of waited in the room for ages more or less talking D didn't come back till
11 or so, I only drank 1 glass. We talked but D was falling asleep. Alanna
wanted to stay up all night but the party ended at 3, the discussion was
interesting. Again I was told I said intelligent things- that always makes me a
bit agita who knows. Makes me think maybe I have some qualification for not
being scum. I was good but really strange for me at least. I really am not a
group person, never have been in one. I actually felt comfortable for a while
even if it didn't do a lot to make me more talkative but what do you want
excelsior.
The trip back was uneventful, in Paris airport KO caught
me and was giving a weird speech explaining bra sizes, talking about a guy who
tried to expose himself. Nobody overly conversant on the trip but then everyone
was dead tired. Alanna split off at Washington to take train to Philly, said
goodbye to D at LaGuardia. Che posso fare. Hopefully we'll all be in touch.
People are cool. Especially two in particular I think. Excelsior
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